I was speaking with a friend recently who made the comment that she had made a change to her physical appearance with hopes that it would make her feel something different on the inside. I know she isn’t alone in that. For years I thought if I could just look this way, or if I lost that weight or had this or that, I would be able to have filled the loneliness in my heart or make the pain I felt go away.
I live in San Diego where there are more fake boobs, gyms, and plastic surgeons than any place ever really needs. People here are consumed by appearance. In a recent visit from a friend, he noted, “People are just prettier here.” I agree, people are very pretty in San Diego. (must be why God moved me here) But I have to say, in the society of a city who seeks physical perfection, I must admit there is something missing. On weekends when everyone is all dolled up to play, my heart breaks as I see the loneliness and desires to be chosen displayed in clothing choices. I see various body shapes trying to play the role of the pretty girl so that she’s noticed. I actually smell the guys in my elevator as they make a statement in their own way. Some might see beauty. I see people wanting to be chosen and going about it the only way they know how.
My response to my friend when she told me what she learned from seeking inner change from making an outward change was something to the effect of, “it’s amazing how we seek to change the outside to make ourselves feel something new on the inside, when really our outside is the one thing that really gives away what’s going on on the inside.”
I said this because I have been experiencing a fairly major outward change as of late. I have lost a bunch of weight and continue to do so. This has happened not in an effort to feel something new (which is what I’ve done many times before) but to reflect something new that’s already been done.
We use our outsides to mask, to tell as story of who we want to be, to invite response, to represent who we really are. Our outsides tell a story. Sometimes we make our outsides up to look a certain way to almost be a catalyst for feeling a certain way. I know when I am having a really crappy day sometimes all I have to do is shower and start over. It is in starting over that I am able to gear up and reframe, but the change is internal in reframing, the external expresses that change.
Our outsides tell the story of our insides. What do you think? Do you agree? Share your thoughts.