This weekend I told a friend she needed to get a divorce. I don’t usually believe divorce is a great option, but in this case it was time. She’d been married to him for a long time and he was getting in the way. I am actually in the process of getting a divorce myself. And am a huge proponent of divorce in these situations.
You see, the man I am divorcing and the man my friend needs to divorce is the man most single women need to divorce and I’d even say some married women need to divorce. Who is this man you ask? He is Mr. Perfect, the husband we’ve created in our minds. The one that we were able to design and create to our own specifications. The man by which all other men with whom we come in contact is measured up against.
Mr. Perfect is a certain personality type. He is handsome, quirky, intelligent, artistic, fun, serious, sarcastic, saintly. Perhaps he is athletic, a business man, an author, an outdoors man, or even a scientist. Maybe he’s tall, or short, blonde or brown headed. But whatever the case, we know him well and he is perfect in every way.
He is perfect because we’ve made him up and made up people don’t make mistakes. Made up people don’t talk back, have their own ideas or breathe for that matter. Made up people do not exist and there in lies the problem. The man we each have been or are married to or perhaps are evening having an affair with is a man we’ve created in our mind, and he is not real.
Mr. Perfect is a huge sticking point in most person to person relationships. He at times keeps us from really good things, because the good thing didn’t come in the same package as the husband in our mind. He at times causes us to be dissatisfied with the person we’re with because he doesn’t fight back, talk back, express his thoughts, and the person we are with can sometimes annoy us, or doesn’t talk as much as we’d like, or read what we want him to or dress as we’d like.
Anytime we put a human man up against Mr. Pefect, he falls short. Not because men are bad, they aren’t, in fact there are some amazing men out there, but we have been married for too many years to a man that doesn’t exist but is perfect in every way.
So I say it is time to get a divorce. To leave the make believe husband in my mind, in your mind and see what happens. Take a step back and see if the reason you won’t go on date number two is because the guy isn’t good or is it that he isn’t perfect. There is a difference. Or next time your husband or boyfriend does something and your expectation isn’t met, ask yourself, am I disappointed because he didn’t meet the standard set by Mr. Perfect. Mr. Perfect always knows what we want and how to meet our needs and how to speak to us, how to make us laugh, when to be silent and how to show us we’re valuable. He can do all of those things because he only exists in our mind and there is no element of humanity to him. So next time you’re disappointed by your husband, boyfriend, a date or those available around you, ask yourself if it is time to get a divorce from imaginary perfection and freely open yourself to the miraculous surprise of a human man before you.
You may discover Mr. Perfect wasn’t so perfect after all.