There are times where I wonder if people really knew what I was thinking if they’d still think I love Jesus. I’m convinced that people would be shocked to know that I struggle with much mentally. I mean, the thought trails that go through this crazy head of mine amaze me. How do I end up in the places I do? And how do I get out of them?
The mind is a powerful thing. It can lead us to do the impossible and it can convince us that we’re worth nothing and can’t do a damn thing. My mind swears, it doesn’t filter. It lies, it hides, it self promotes, it wants to be heard, to be seen, it is powerful and it amazes me how much I have to actually filter out to present the person I desire to become.
I wrestle with my humanity on a regular basis. My humanity comes to my mind first. It is where I mess up most. And it is not always a pretty place to be.
Romans 12 talks about being transformed by the renewing of the mind. What a refreshing thought. It is a good though and it is a very true thought. If you take time to actually think about it, our actions start in the mind. We think it, even for a second or a millisecond and then we act. We make an agreement with a lie and then act up on it. Adam and Eve did that in the garden. Eve was convinced that God was holding out on her, that she wasn’t made to perfection and that if she didn’t do something about it someone would beat her to the punch so she’d better act now. And she did just that. She acted. She took one bite and it changed everything.
Her bite in many ways was just a symptom. It was the evidence of what had taken place in her mind. She made an agreement and that agreement changed everything.
My mind is a battle ground. It is a fight for agreements. Sometimes I agree with lies and my actions are evidence of that fact. Other times I agree with truth and again my actions reveal that to be true. I do know that my mind needs renewal. I know that it is continually being renewed. There is evidence of both realities in the choices I make and the ease at which those choices are made. I long to be one who can walk in righteousness in all things, but know that season will not come this side of heaven.
Do you battle in your mind? How do you recognized transformation in your heart and mind?