The Secret to Dating

I can remember playing in the back trails of my favorite park as a child. We would play all kinds of things but one thing I remember fondly were the treasure hunts. We didn’t really know what it was we were looking for, but we knew it would be good. We knew our time and our effort would be worth the hunt. We would find the prize and tell great stories of our excavation and travels to find it.

It is in this memory that I found the secret to dating. I have to be honest. Me saying I’ve found the secret to dating is comical at best. Maybe I should have said that I’ve discovered, perhaps I’m learning or I’m wondering if I’ve found the secret to dating. But I think I’ve discovered something. I prefer mastery over mystery and mastery my friends, does not do the work of mystery.

I have been in many circles lately with women talking about relationships and dating. There is a longing inside of each of us  to walk through life with a person. We desire a companion and we desire to be known and feel chosen. But somewhere in this world we’ve really messed up the whole idea of pursuit.

Women have for years done a myriad of things to gain the approval of a man, to earn his favor, so that she might win him over. But from what I can tell, women, my friends, we need to stop that. We need to become the treasure. Or realize the treasure we are and allow the mystery of the treasure to worthy of the pursuit.

I can’t actually believe I’m writing about such things. But I’m discovering dating is like art. I read this today from the book The Artist’s Way, “The artist brain is the sensory brain: sight and sound, smell and taste, touch. These are the elements of magic, and magic is the elemental stuff of art. … Think magic. Think delight. Think fun. Do not think duty. Do not do what you should do – spiritual sit-ups like reading a dull but recommended critical text. Do what intrigues you, explore what interests you; think mystery not mastery.  A mystery draws us in, leads us on, lures us. (A duty may numb us out, turn us off, tun us out.) Follow your sense of the mysterious, not your sense of what you should know about.”

Mystery. Fun. Delight. Pursuit. These words are found in nearly every good love story. Mystery is not a game. Mystery for the woman is knowing she is a treasure and is living out of that place. Not hiding, but choosing to unveil her true worth over time. The man, the one who pursues, gets the honor of being allured. In this situation, both the man and the woman are confident, they know their value and dating then isn’t a game of convincing, it is journey of discovery.

You don’t find people searching for something they think may have a little bit of value. No, people search for things that are valuable. So women, today I beg you. Walk in the mysterious confidence of a great treasure.

I know there is a lot more to this, so I may take some time to write about the various caveats, road blocks, hic-ups and so on. But at it’s purest form, without humanity coming in and messing it all up. I do think I may have uncovered something.

What do you think? If we figure this out we all could make a fortune!

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