I’m not friends with you

A friend pulled out a book and handed it to me, pointing out a passage which he wanted me to read. I read two sentences and tears instantly welled up, filling my eyes, “I can’t right now,” I said as I left the book in his hands.

He wrote out the words to this particular thought and gave it to me at the night’s end. I read it and felt understood. I felt as though I had found a friend. I knew I’d come across a kindred spirit, a fellow minister and alien.


The thoughtful and wise words resonated with me as I read them later that night. The violence of this irreverence towards self interrupted my fast pace and met me in the still silence of my room.

I am not friends with myself.  This is a truth I’m just beginning to understand.

And I must, I must find friendship within me.

Are you? As I learn about me on this journey of friendship, I’ll share it with you. I’d love your thoughts. How have you become your own friend? What stands in the way of self friendship for you?

I’ve always been fairly good at making friends. We’ll learn together as I apply those skills to myself.

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3 thoughts on “I’m not friends with you

  1. I love this Cari, it makes so much sense. Sometimes we feel so guilty making time for ourselves, but this outlook means that it is mandatory and to be intentional. But it also means that we have likely not become friends with ourselves because it is uncomfortable or it causes us to deal with ourselves…this too is so very important. I think this is great! A new wholeness. Love you!

  2. Cari:

    Great post, my friend! I am still learning what this means, to befriend yourself. Sounds odd, but divinely appointed.

    Dawn Carter

  3. Thanks for sharing this.

    Being friends with myself is something that I’ve been exploring in my own life recently. I tend to use intellectual pursuits and projects to avoid spending time with myself.

    It’s nice to know I’m the not the only one who is in this learning process! =)

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