Lost in a forest

I moved to Colorado in June and honestly nothing has turned out like I thought it would. I’ve been met with loss, grief, unmet expectation, sadness, loneliness of the deepest kind, and confusion. Along with these I’ve had a growing sense that I’m lost, when really all I wanted when I moved here was to be found. I wanted to move, to find a place that I can call home.

I’ve called many places home. I’ve moved often and have friends all over. I am blessed by loved ones and yet, somehow with all these people and many places I’ve called home, I find myself very lost.

I usually try to find comfort Jesus and solace that in Him all things work together for good, but this time I find myself at a lack. Like a child in the wood with night closing in I feel a sense of panic that I’ll be lost in the dark.

Dramatic!

I am the one people often go to for words of wisdom, comfort, reminding them that Jesus is the light and the truth and the way. Today I believe Him, I know He is doing a good thing, and yet the actual felt goodness is far from my reach and I want nothing more than to hide.

I ramble, because I’ve no map for these thoughts.

I keep typing, because I’ve made a commitment to blog each day of November.

I want Jesus.

I want home.

I want myself to be found.

How does one escape the forest when there is no map, no compass and the light that was once bright within, seems dim? How have you found your way out?

 

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3 thoughts on “Lost in a forest

  1. Wow. What a resonant reflection to read as I’m sleepless at 3am. I’m going through many of the same feelings of loss and isolation too. Very active in my parish for years, I’ve just left it due to some very mean-spirited people attacking my motives. Disheartening and heartbreaking loss. But…I know that our Lord especially loves the brokenhearted. So in my pain, I feel Him very near me. Love never fails, as St. Paul says. I’ll pray you feel His comforting presence and that you find Him there waiting for you in the forest of your life. Let’s pray for one another. God bless you.

  2. I was in the place you are describing a couple of years ago. I will never be the same from it, just stronger. You will be stronger, too. Jesus will never let go. He knows what tree you’re standing by. 🙂

  3. I wish you were here Cari. I’d hug you. I have felt this same feeling twice in my life. In fact I am just coming out of it. Each time there were different issues and lessons that faced. But as trite as this may sound, you are not lost, Jesus knows right where you are. His eyes are still on you and His arms are still around you. maybe having us in the dark is the easiest way for Him to guide us to where we need to be?

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