I was driving home from an event tonight and suddenly remembered I had promised a friend I’d pray for her as she spoke for a women’s retreat this weekend. “crap! I’ve been so self absorbed that I haven’t even prayed for my friend!” I said aloud in the car. “God how do I do this how do I care for myself, becoming my own friend without becoming self-absorbed? I don’t get it. I don’t see how it’s possible. I couldn’t even keep my commitment to pray for someone I’ve been so wrapped up in me.”
I don’t really know how to find the balance of self care and other care. I have truly made my life about helping others and raising them up that I’ve become alienated from myself and don’t feel right or comfortable to take the time to discover friendship within me.
I’m tired. I have cried every day for over a week. I am pouty. I want to hermit. I am stuck and lost and pouty! (and a tidge dramatic)
So I wait for you. So I wait for you. I’m falling on my knees offering all of me. Jesus your all this heart is longing for……
These lyrics come to mind as I type. Mostly because of the “I wait for you” part. Of course saying Jesus is the only thing I’m hoping or longing for would make me sound rather spiritual and holy. But that isn’t what I’m longing for today. I think I’m longing and waiting for me and I actually think Jesus is okay with that. I hear He’s especially fond of me. And I think the best worship I can give him, is a living sacrifice made up of me and my unique self.
It’s time I give him that gift. So Jesus, as you listen, I’m doing the best I can. I want you to be proud. I want you to smile and say well done and today I think those two phrases have less to do with what I do for you,but, maybe just maybe it’s because I discovered what part of the body I actually am, and simply lived my part.
So do you know what body part you are? Do you live it?