I couldn’t fall asleep last night. That is not unfamiliar territory for me, but I just kept waiting. I wanted to fall asleep. I was tired. I was in bed. I was snuggled up. But I was not sleeping. So frustrating!
All the right pieces were present and in order for me to fall asleep, but something was keeping me from actually sleeping.
Sometimes life is like that. We line up everything in an orderly fashion, put all of our ducks in a row and jump – only to find out we haven’t actually lifted off of the ground just yet. When this happens, we often doubt ourselves or blame others or become cranky, throwing our hands up in the air. I know I’ve been there. But, there is no promise that if we, if I, do all the work life will give me what I’m looking for and wanting. Sometimes we do all the work and get benched. Sometimes we do all the work only to have life throw a curve ball and we end up taking care of a family member or friend and putting personal aspirations and goals aside. Sometimes we do all the work and realize we worked hard for something we didn’t actually want. Sometimes we work hard and hit dead ends 95% of the time. Then there are those moments where we work hard and what we want becomes a reality.
Most of us think the final scenario is the sweetest and most rewarding, but I wonder if that isn’t actually the case. Don’t get me wrong I want a happy ending. I beg for happy endings. But, my understanding of the good ending I desire is often so short of the good God actually has for me. His perspective is so much greater. His view longer. His span wider. He knows the good we are to do and He prepares us in advance for it and gives us what we need as we seemingly wait for the good to come. (which might actually be the good we’re in while we wait)
Last night when I was at my highest frustration point with my body not sleeping, I texted a silly message to a friend. We texted back and forth for a few minutes. I lamented. I laughed. We sympathized and then, crazy enough… I fell asleep. Sometimes, I think, our frustration with waiting actually keeps us from good. Sometimes, we just need to take a step back, invite a friend into our frustration and laugh. (or cry, possibly work out, or even simply sit in silence)
My friend didn’t do or say anything magical. There was no wise exchange. There was no talk of what was keep either of us up. We simply engaged in conversation, reminding each of us that in the waiting we are not alone and we both eventually fell asleep.
If you’re stuck in a time of life that feels as though you’ve worked hard and got benched, derailed, paused, or taken out. I encourage you to find a friend who makes you laugh and simply remind one another that you’re not alone as you wait. There might just be good in the waiting that your missing, that I miss, because we feel alone. There might be good to be had in the waiting. There may be something better than the dream you were striving towards.