My spirit is once again rushed. As of late, I feel as though I am very good producer, but somehow I have forgotten the fact that I am human first..
Being human is a gift, a responsibility and a way. When I forget how to be human, my gaze remains on my to do list much longer than it does fixed upon the one who gave me the ability to do anything. In recent days I have had a very critical spirit. Inwardly I have cussed at people, taken things personally, been protective and territorial of ideas and dreams, looked for people who are seeking to take advantage of me, and have assumed people are out to steal, undermine and overtake me.
This is not my normal! In fact it is quite the opposite of what usually fills my mind.
When asking a group of friends to pray for my attitude to change, I was asked, “Cari, how have you been sleeping? Are you getting good down time? Are you paying attention to your own emotional needs?”
Sure enough… my answer to all of these things was No.
It was then that I first said, “lately I’m very good at being a producer, but I am not very good at being human. ”
That was a week ago.
Somehow, being busy, seems to be a favorite activity of my family, the church in the U.S. and actually much of the U.S. in general. Busy happens… but I wonder about being busy, being hurried, being full, being productive, being successful… These words combinations are often praised and I wonder, do they actually draw us away from being still, being present, being with, being patient, being kind, being loving, being faithful, being loved, being seen, being at peace?
Can one be busy and still?
Can one be hurried and present?
I wonder if the words we put behind the word Be are more important than we realize.
I want to:
Be full of grace
To be human, I must look to Jesus. He is the best guide when it comes to being human, for he is the way. He is actually the truth and He is the source of Life.
So today, I am stopping. Even though I started my day with responding to emails, doing work, running to do lists in my mind, right now, at this moment, I choose to stop. I choose to turn around and to take my gaze off of what must be done, and instead breathe out and look to the One who gave me life.
Father who loves me. Jesus, my Savior. Spirit who is in me, you are so good. You are beautiful. You are true and in you is Life. Praise be to your name. May your Kingdom of good and truth and beauty be not mine only in heaven, but today. May your will, which is good and true and beautiful be mine today as it will be in heaven. Increase my trust in you that I know that you are provision in all things. May I believe that you will fill my days with enough time to accomplish what is before me and that in You, I can live in the assurance that you complete that which you begin. I pray that I would believe that even my daily bread is in your hands. Forgive me for turning from you and taking control of outcomes, filling my life with busyness, and believing that I must produce to accomplish what you’ve put before me. Forgive me for responding to others as though they are an inconvenience or as if I am the most important one. Forgive me for looking out for myself alone. And please, give me strength to let go and forgive others who do the same to me.
Lead me away from the temptation of being seen. The temptation of being important. The temptation of placing my value in any other’s hands. And deliver me from the evil that seeks to kill, steal and destroy me and my humanity.
For all of this is yours. The whole earth and everything in it belongs to You. You hold the power to move mountains, healing the broken, placing lonely in families and raising from death itself. And to you, is all the glory on earth, in my life and the glory that is seen when I am human.
I love you. My life is yours. My being, belongs to you. Amen